Ricco - Guitar & Backing Vocal. Lives up a tree in Dunstable, by the church. Feeds ducks wet bread with a long stick cuz he's not keen on the buggers. One bit his ear once in a fight over a biscuit.
Beasley - Bass Guitar & Backing Vocal. Only ever leaves the house on Wednesdays. Picks the seeds off sesame buns to make little model boats. Never used soap, common sense or a motorway services.
Chuck – Drums & Backing Vocal. Comes from a long line of hairdressers. Once caught a stickleback in his underpants whilst paddling in a ditch. Owns a horse, a biro and a hairy melon.
Patch - Lead Vocal. Leaves a curious odour wherever he sits. Never seen in the same room as Gloria Hunniford. Once owned a bedside lamp shaped like Les Dawson, and a fridge from IKEA.
Spen - Guitar & Backing Vocal. Used to juggle prawns 'til the EU outlawed it. Can whistle the theme tune to 'Bridge over the River Kwai' which is good, considering he's a hedgehog.
Olaf Ureddoff – Sputnik washboard. Born in a wheelie bin next to Michael Wood Services on the M5. Used to hand out tea-towels at the Bristol Womens Institute. Had a ‘walk-on’ part in Z-Cars once.
Old Mother Marlboro – Penny whistle. Used to chase Zebras with a jeep. Bought a house on a lake next door to the cast of Brookside. She never tips waiters and she can’t swim a length.
Gus Tawind – Sparkplug Flute and Spaniel Cap. Has 12 points on his licence and can’t drive. Appeared briefly on stage in Tynemouth in November ’08 during ‘Into the Valley’ but fell awkwardly and left.
Edna Cloud – Percussion (spoons) Was once an extra in the Emmerdale episode when the plane crashed. She runs a second-hand beefburger stall on Leeds market, but not when it’s raining.
Harold B Thyname – Organ & Harp. Only ever did one gig then promptly left to further a career in bricklaying. Also owns a piano shaped like a big donkey but can’t play a note on it. Often eats cheese.
